A Teasing Tale of Two
by GrangerDanger03
Summary: Following Renesmee and Jacob as they try to start an adult relationship, all the while trying to not be killed by her father. *Warning- contains lots of lemons, swearing and deliciously graphic scenes*
1. Teasers and Daddy-kins

***Disclaimer, I don't own any of the characters or the story, this is just me writing fanfiction with no ill intent.***

**I make no excuses for the profanities (here in Australia, it's part of the language), you all know this is rated M (should be R) and so of course there will be swearing and sex, probably even kinkier shit knowing me. **

**Happy reading!**

**GrangerDanger03**

(Renesmee's POV)

Ugh. It's getting harder and harder to ignore Jacob, he struts around all day in nothing but _very_ low-slung cut-off shorts and no shirt on. **NO SHIRT WHATSOEVER.** I know he's got the wolf genes going on, the hotter body temperature than practically anyone else on the planet, but is it too much to ask for a shirt?! Fucking teenage hormones.

As of now, my body is at that stupid teenage stage where I look about 17-18. Don't get me wrong, I like this body _very_ much... just with all these hormones whizzing about telling me to drool over a certain wolf boy, then pounce him, lick him all over and then get freaky with him... it's kind of hard to resist. You can't blame me! He's half naked almost always, has the body of sex-god (oh yeah, you look at him and just _know _he'd be amazing in bed), hangs around me _all_ the time, and worst of all? He's a huge fucking tease. First the half-naked-ness, second he has these kind of lapses... he's all best friend-y and trying to kill my character in COD, then the next he says some teasing comment, and what next? He backs off and leaves me hanging there! The nerve! I just wish I could give him a taste of his own medicine.

"Yo, Ren!" Jacob calls from below my window (Second story corner bedroom, used to be my dad's before the remodelling. Basically it's now an awesome size with walk in closet and a little balcony that stretches close to the forest line. The best part? I can sneak out any time I want without anyone noticing).

I clamber off my bed, quickly stash away my sketchbook and open up my door before walking onto the little balcony.

"Jacobiah, how delightful to see you, care for a spot of tea and cucumber sandwich?" I say, complete with an excellent high-class English accent.

"Woo-eh! Look what we got 'ere! Sure do look fine little lady, mind if we change that to a possum-burger? Mah tummy's got the grumblies!" His comical Southern accent making me double over in a fit of giggles.

"Jacob, you know you can just jump up here and come in whenever you please" leaning over the balcony, I let my long copper hair drape over one shoulder.

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that? Plus I might catch you naked one day" he says with a wink.

I try my best to hide my blush, I swear he knows that he's making me all flustered.

"Well then get your furry-butt up here before I start stripping!" I hop up off the railing and try my best to sway my hips and walk away sexy. _'Walk, walk, swish those hips, think catwalk model meets pornstar'_, I tell myself.

A thud echoes around the room before Jacob runs up to me and tackle-hugs me.  
"Oof! Jaaaaake, why do you do that? Can't you ever be a bit softer, I actually bruise you know!" he chuckles quietly, and I swear I melt a little bit inside. Aaand, I'm feeling like Jello. Yaaaay.

"I thought you liked my squish-er-iffic hugs?" He spins me to face him, and I am faced with his version of the puppy-dog pout. It's a strange thing, as he is ridiculously attractive mixed with pouting.. not like Zoolander 'Blue Steel' pout or anything... it's just weird.

I sigh, before hugging him as best I can (the dude is huge, and ripped!) "Fine. I do like them. Just maybe a bit less impact, more hugging? You know as well as I do dad freaks out at the slightest bruise and starts accusing you of 'being a Chris Brown'." I say with air-quotes. "I don't want to have to get Emmett to hold him back again."

"Shit, I know what you mean. I thought he was gonna tear my head off! When your dad gets worried, he goes fucking beserk!" He fake-shivvers and hugs me even tighter. Mmmm, this is the part I always like. The close cuddling and hugging when he's pressed up against me. Holding me close to him, warming me with his body temperature, this was the life.

"Enough about mister angry-pants, I do believe it is time for our Friday night game and tacky movie. Anything fancy your inner virgin?" I say as I skip over to my games collection and start rifling through the various titles and consoles.

"How tacky is tonight's movie? Are we talking Lesbian Vampire Killers or worse?" He helps me sift through games and plucks Project Gotham Racing from my Xbox section.

"Much worse, we're going back to the day before Superman... Italian Comic inspired 'Danger Diabolik'! We're talking rubber suits, polaroids and some of the funniest car chases and suits you'll ever see." I grin somewhat wickedly before hopping over to my flat-screen setup (Xbox 360, Play Station 3, N64, Gamecube, Sega and many more old consoles saved from thrift store bins) and pop the disk in the Xbox 360, taking advantage of it's DVD player function.

A soft knock at the door tells me it's Nana Esme with her usual bowl of buttered popcorn, hot dogs and chocolate chip pancakes. I quickly whip open the door so she can come in and pop all the food on the little kotatsu***** table. She leans in and gives me a quick kiss on the head.

***(Kotatsu is a Japanese low table that has a heater underneath it and a large duvet coming out from it. In winter this is amazing and toasty warm for your legs)***

"Got you covered hun", She says as she kisses my forehead.

"Thanks Nana".

"Thanks Nana Esme!" Jacob booms from in front of the TV.

She quickly zooms out the room, shutting the door on her way.

Jacob flops onto the beanbag couch, remote in hand like a typical guy and one arm up resting along the back of the couch. He pats it quietly, signalling me to join him. I slide my goosebump-riddled legs under the kotatsu blanket and munch on a handful of popcorn as the movie starts.

"So, what exactly is the point of this film?" Jacob mumbles through mouthfuls of popcorn.

"It's based off an old comic book series from Italy that follows the evil guy and his hilarious plans."

"Where the fuck do you find these movies?!" Jacob, turns to me pulling one eyebrow up while he continues to shovel the popcorn in his mouth like his life depends on it.

"Internet, duh!" I quip as I flick him on the forehead.

he pulls a pouty face (still munching) and rubs the spot I flicked.

Through the movie, I lean a little bit more into Jacob... god, I swear I'd pretty much have to straddle him and start moaning just to get him to acknowledge I'm a fucking woman with needs. Nope, I'd probably have to spell it out for him and then translate it to caveman-English just so he'd understand the first time.

That's it. I am taking a stand against this moron and his oblivious ways. I WILL get Jacob to notice me, and I WILL finally have him as mine.

(Jacob's POV)

Through the entire fucking movie, all I could concentrate on was Ren. How she gradually leant more into me, how her giggle sent my heart soaring, how I just wanted to pause the movie and make out with her... _'woah woah woah, Jake boy. This is Ren we're talking about. Psycho daddy will rip you a new one if you so much as make ANY advances on her. just calm it down, remember the game plan. Win over Eddy, and THEN you can unleash all this pent up gooey shit and sexual frustration. God, what I'd give to be able to pound into that tight little... NO NO NO. Pure thoughts.'  
_

The past six months have been hell. Ever since Ren turned eighteen physically, I've been having to force myself not to take things anywhere. Of course, Eddy is still oblivious to how she feels, and how much of a tease she's being. Heck, everyone else knows she's sexually mature and gagging for it, why can't he?! You'd think for practically 200 years of experience and living he'd get the idea.

Every time we hung out it was laced with subtly-sexy stuff. She'd be in skin-tight clothes, showing off her fantastic set of tits, prancing around and flaunting her tight little body, checking me out every two seconds, and even having sexual undertones in EVERY conversation. This woman was making me have the worlds worst case of blue balls.

Once the movie was over, she hopped up to change over to our game for the night. As she bent over to change the disk, I almost let a groan slip. That perfect ass of hers drives me insane, just thinking about grabbing it or even feeling her grind it up against me... fuck, what I'd give for that.

I change into game mode as she proceeds to jump back next to me and pass me the controller. Can't let any of this slip just yet, knowing the little minx she'd probably jump me right here and now... on second thought, why would I pass that up?! Because of fucking, Edward.

Fuck my life.


	2. Blue Balls and the Problems they Possess

*** Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or storyline, I just write what pops in my head. Also, the language and content is rated M for a reason.***

**All the feedback is so lovely, and makes me that much more eager to write! Please try to keep things civil and nice, I don't intent to offend anyone through this.**

**GrangerDanger03**

(Renesmee's POV)

The longer Jacob is oblivious to me, the more I am forced to implement cruel tactics. I've already been wearing all figure-hugging clothes, making sexual undertones in conversation AND trying to embody the word 'sexy'. But does he even take one little hint? NOPE. All he does is continue obliviously acting like I'm his little sister or some child he has to babysit. Sure, I know it's taken me a couple of years to get where I am, and yes that means he's technically older, but that doesn't give him any excuses to keep seeing me as a child! I mean, come on! We're fucking IMMORTAL. I'm probably going to stop growing and changing soon enough, and he'll keep shifting, so we'll always look the same and be the same. Fuck this. New tactics are needed.

1) He probably still sees me as the baby being chewed out of Mom's stomach... so try to stay away from anything remotely similar to 'Alien'  
2) I probably have to up my game on the clothes front. Time to break out the sinfully-sexy crap that Alice has been stockpiling for me since I officially became a 'woman'.  
3) I must be swift as the coursing river... wait. Fuck. No, that's from 'Mulan'.  
3.2) One on one time is great for undivided attention  
4) continue with the slow built up of physical touching and closeness... soon I can be cuddled up next to him and maybe kiss him! Plus, then it's easier to strip him and lick all over those drool-worth abs of his. _'Fuck, the amount of times I've fantasised about having him naked, and I bet his dick is huge! Mmm, what I'd give to taste him right now... aaaand I'm wet. Joy unbounded. Ooh, idea!'  
_5) Be as turned on as possible around Jake. His wolf-senses will have him drooling from smelling me all horny._  
_6) Try to ease Dad into the idea I'm a woman, he's like a shit-scared cat who needs constant calming. Must stop him from seeing me as "His pwecious little untouched angel-bunny-smoochie-kins".

Okay, so Dad was probably going to be my number one cause of any and ALL problems.

It had just hit 10pm and so far Jacob and I were tied in Gotham Racing. Dad had yet to interrupt, but speak of the fucking devil...

"JACOB BLACK IT'S 10PM OUT OF OUR HOUSE. NOW!" He boomed upstairs like the absolute cock-block he is, before sprinting upstairs and practically ripping my door off it's hinges.  
"Yes, _DADDY._" Jacob sneered as he got up from my beanbag couch and started to stretch out his limbs.  
"I'm being nice. Now get OUT. You know my rules about Renesmee." Dad was slowly losing his patience as Jacob took more and more time to actually get out of my room and back on the Reservation.  
"Dude, chill. I'm going, I'm going." He turned to me, and quickly hauled me up to give me a hug goodnight. "Night, Ren" he whispered to me as he tapped four times on my lower back. It was our code for, "See you at Candy's tonight". (Candy's was a club just outside of Seattle, far enough away from dad and his moronic mental bullshit, but close enough so we could get there and back with ease).  
"Night, Jake".  
Dad then gripped Jacob by the hair on the back of his neck and dragged him downstairs and out the door. With a slam, Jacob was out of the house and Dad began to slowly calm back down.

I changed into pj's and skipped downstairs to where the family was to wish them a fake goodnight. I had plans to use my meditation practice to clear my mind and make it seem like I was asleep, so I could quickly change and run over to Jake and I's meeting point in the woods by the Reservation.  
"Goodnight everybody." I called as I made my way back upstairs. Alas, my immediate plans had to be halted as Dad had decided to follow me upstairs for a one-on-one chat. Fucking great. These chats were always about how I'm his darling girl, how he wants to always protect me, and make sure I keep my innocence as long as possible because technically I'm only 8 and not 18. And little girls of 8 need to be protected and kept special just the way they are, blah blah blah. This bullshit crap has been spoonfed to me since day one. He's so batshit-crazy about keeping his LITTLE girl that he forgets I age with my body, not my years living.  
"Renesmee sweetie?" He poked his head in my doorway as I kept up my ruse of going to bed.  
"Yeah Dad?" I had my dress hidden under the fluffy doona with me in bed.  
"I just wanted to remind you that you're only 8 years old, and haven't been around long enough to know everything about the world. It's dangerous and downright unfit for an EIGHT YEAR OLD to go out venturing into. I want to keep you away from that all until you're finally mature." Are you fucking kidding me?! NOT MATURE? NOT FUCKING MATURE ENOUGH?! WHAT?! I'm 18 physically for christ' sake! I am NOT a little girl, I am a woman with breasts, an ass and my own car! Fuck, I could probably become a CEO if I wanted to.  
"I know Dad, but what if I'm not so little anymore? I age mentally and physically faster than the humans do, maybe I need my own age-appropriate stuff?" I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible, but it was hard as I wanted to scream out loud and tell him every thing I really felt.  
"NO. NOT THIS AGAIN RENESMEE. YOU ARE A CULLEN, AND I AS YOUR FATHER WILL DICTATE WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF. YOU ARE NOT SOME 18 YEAR OLD HUMAN GIRL WHO CAN GO OFF HOOTENANNYING BECAUSE SHE DARN WELL PLEASES." He took some deep calming breaths after, probably trying not to let his head explode.  
"Now, enough of this stupid age nonsense. You're 8 years old, you don't know what you want."  
And with that, he strode out my room flicking the lights off with him.  
Great. Fucking great.

(Jacob's POV)

_'Okay, calm it down Jacob. Just another routine night out at Candy's with Ren against her father's permission and any of her family knowing. No need to panic. Sure, Eddy-kins was especially temperamental today... but that doesn't mean he's going to go nuts and ship her off to Kenya for all I know.  
_

_Fuck, he actually probably would do that. NO. Nope, nope, nope, nope. He couldn't. He knows how much it means that I stay with her, he'd break her heart and pretty much force her into a depressive state because of his own actions. CALM DOWN.  
__Remember, you have the silent agreement with Alice and Bells. They say nothing to Eddy (and maybe block all her thoughts) so both you and Renesmee get o be normal and not under 'the hawks' supervision at all times. BREATHE._  
Focus on going to Candy's. Focus on what Ren is going to wear. Focus on trying not to get a boner because of what she wears. Focus on trying to not show it to her just yet. NEED TO REMEMBER THE DADDY-WINNING PLAN. Now, put on the sweatbox of a shirt, pull up your pants aaand zip em' up. I said ZIP EM' UP. Ah, fucking hell.  
Dear Penis, I understand that Ren is fucking hot and an absolute tease and a half, but we need to be a team bro. Please, just please go down. I can't show up with a hard on for Ren! Think of Edward. Think of Edward. Think of Edward. Think of that sparkly fucker undressing... oh god I wanna puke at that thought, so gross. YAY TEAM! Now, let's go out and NOT get hard again!'

I waited for 20 minutes at our little spot waiting for Ren, before she arrived. Constantly checking that my jeans really were clean and my shirt wasn't too uptight for the club really passed some time. I guess all that crapload of preening that girls do is for a reason.  
Her silhouetted figure approached me in the darknes, the silver incandescent little dress clinging to her every curve, finishing just a bit below her ass and making way for those man-teaser legs of hers. The shoes looked like they doubled as a weapon. the silver glitter shoes had those weird platforms and a heel so high and pointy it made me consider her as a 007 agent. (Ya know, using it to stab someone or double as a grappling hook)

"Thanks for waiting Jake, Dad went fuckin' nuts when I tried to reason him about the whole 'you are an 8 year old girl, not 18, blah blah blah, pwecious bunnykins who isn't tainted by evil mister Jacob and fun life things.' and yeah, he pretty much told me I'm not 'MATURE' enough". Her imitation of Edward made him sound more like a cartoon character rather than the backwater nitwit who wanted to rip me to shreds he usually is.  
"WELL, he married Bells when she was just eighteen and human... so that's one flaw in his plan you can use to your defence. However, the bunnykins thing will be harder to bypass. Maybe do something so shocking for him to realise you're not some little girl anymore?" I'm not sure whether I was having a stroke of brilliance or madness. Trying to get Ren to shock her father to his bones? That shit sounded scary to anyone.  
..."Although, for the sake of everyone's lives and your own freedom, maybe don't take it too far. Just something for him to finally get on the same page, not cause him an aneurysm".  
"Yeah, you're right" she sighed, "But, I don't think he can even HAVE an aneurysm... unless you know the vampire fluid crap has that stuff in the DNA or whatever the fuck it is we have".

After our somewhat shocking banter was over, and our club-night arrangement had been put in place (we don't get too drunk, we take the quietest car, and at all times keep a lookout for her family), Ren drove us off towards the Seattle club.  
I just hope Ren's Daddy-shocking plans aren't involved with tonight.


	3. Pheromones and Fantasies

***Disclaimer; I don't own anything. This is all pure imagination and a dirty mind*  
WARNING: This is a M rated fic, there's swearing, graphic scenes and sex involved. Weak hearted, turn away.**

**All the reviews and viewcharts make me so happy! I'm having so much fun writing this! (despite being horrendously sick and having a horrendous amount of writers block)**

**GrangerDanger03**

(Renesmee's POV)

The smell of sex radiating off all the humans in the club was almost nauseating. Everywhere I looked it was countless humans bumping and grinding to the hypnotic music desperately trying to get a sexual high.  
The music itself was great, and with my killer outfit clinging to me like its life depended on it, I definitely had all the males eyes on me... Except for the one pair of eyes I wanted. Fucking hell Jacob, he's so thick-skulled he can't even tell I put this on for him!  
Ugh, I fucking swear the guy is just teasing me with this on-again-off-again attraction of his. One moment he's all feisty and a sexual demon, the next he backs right off and is just a little puppy.  
That's it. No more nice Ren. This is war.

I strode off towards the bar, flirted my way to getting three free drinks and downing them all quickly. The Polish vodka shots delightfully heated up my throat on the way down. Pleasantly, the alcohol coursed through my system and quickly attempted to combat the hybrid blood. With a swish in my hips, and two fresh drinks in my hands I sashayed back to Jacob in one of the booths.

"Got your whiskey on the rocks as per usual, Jacob." I said with a grin.  
"Aww, no free shots? You know we haven't done them in ages!" Obviously Jake didn't see me earlier downing the three Polish vodka shots.  
"I had three before." With a cute giggle and a smile, Jacob dazed off slightly while sipping on his whiskey.  
I downed my drink quickly with a few gulps and leant forwards on the table, resting on my elbows.

"Can we go out and dance yet? I need to lose myself in the music." I pleaded.  
"Sure, just let me grab five more shots so I actually feel the alcohol with this stupid fucking wolf blood." Jacob grumbled. His immune system is one to surely be envied, but with the fact they healed much quicker... it meant they had to drink twice as much and twice as fast.

Jacob downed the whiskey and strode over to the bar with me.  
"Five vodka shots and a tequila sunrise for the lady." Jacob proclaimed, sliding $30 across to the barman.  
Soon, the shots were lined up and Jake downed them all quickly one after the other as I quickly gulped down my drink. I dragged Jake to the dancefloor and immediately started dancing to the hypnotic club mixes. 'Give Me Everything' by Pitbull pounded through the club, I swayed my hips dancing away all my cares and hoping to catch Jacob's attention. Sadly, it seemed I was getting more attention from everyone else.  
A tall, toned guy with lightly tanned skin and brown hair stared me down for a good few minutes before making his way over. He put one hand on my waist, and slowly getting closer to grinding on me. He was suddenly stopped by a furious Jacob, flexing his muscles and glaring at him.  
"Do you mind not touching my girl?" He growled  
"Calm down mate, we're in a fuckin' club. Just havin' some fun. C'mon babe, this is alright? I'll give you a real good taste of down undah!" His East-coast Australian accent punctuating the A's made him a dead giveaway. Tourist looking for a foreign girl to bang. Not on my watch, Skippy.

"Jake, it's okay. I can handle this." I sternly said with a glare at Jacob. "Listen here '**mate**', sure we're at a club, but no that doesn't give you permission to grind that sweaty crotch of yours all over me. If you'd be so kind as to step the fuck away, it'd be very much so appreciated, jerk." I pivoted on my heel and strode away to the bar with Jake hot on my heels.

"You 'kay, Ren? I swear I was just looking out for you." He pleaded with me.  
"Jake, thankyou. That was very sweet of you." I leaned up and kissed Jacob on the cheek quickly in a show of my thanks... and a little more. "Honestly, he reeked of some stupid deodorant and was making me want to throw up!"  
"What kind of an asshat would I be if I didn't scare them off for you? Anyways, you know I like making them scared shitless" Jacob confessed with a wink. Fuck, that one wink had me creaming my panties in a second. I kid you not, the guy turns me on so often and is so oblivious it makes me livid.

After several more drinks, I was finally drunk. Everything was funny and I swayed a little bit when I walked. Jacob, however was only mildly tipsy.  
"Jaaaaaaay-cob! Why don't you ever let me have fun? Ya'know! You scare awayy all of my guyzzss and then! And then you just walk back to being frieeeendly Jakey. And All because of you and your stupid sexy musclessss I'm left with nothing! At leassst you could do is be my fix. BUT NO! You don' even look at me!" I poked Jake in his right pec, demanding an explanation from the wobbly yet sexy wolf boy.  
"Come on Ren, you're drunk enough now. Time to go back to my place until you sober up." He tried to grab me by my waist and drag me out the door, but my drunken self wasn't having any of that.  
"NO! Noh, I ahm not going anywherrre juss yet mistah. I need to find **someone**who won't tease me all night!" I protested, dragging myself from his grasp. I definitely did not intend to leave this club without getting at least **some** action. Just one five-minute make out was all I needed. And I intended to get it very soon.

SOoooo, what do you think?! Tell me in comments and whatnot!


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